A Kick Ass Poem About Ms. Alison Brie (Remastered and Expanded Edition)

Alison Brie, if you ask me
Is the prettiest girl in all of history.

I believe she is a perfect ten, not too big and not too thin
With blue eyes like the ocean and I want to take a swim.

I love the sound of her voice, when I hear it I rejoice
I would hear it everyday, if I had the choice.

I hope that she has someone fine, with whom she can spend her time
If not I will call the Law and report a crime.

If I found she was alone, I would wish to call her phone
Say hello, then read to her this kick ass poem.

I WILL Wear An E.T. Necklace!

I WILL wear an E.T. necklace,
I think that he is cool.

I don't care if they laugh at me,
I think that E.T. rules.

I know E.T. is odd and
he looks like a space monkey.

I love films from the '80s
even though the effects are funky.

Our real world is cold and dark,
and often very tragic.

I prefer the world of E.T.,
for I believe in magic.

p.s. I wish they would start putting E.T.'s picture on Reese's Pieces bags again.  It made them more fun to eat.

A Foxy Poem About Ms. Megan Fox

Yeah, it's obvious, it's Megan Fox
And like most dudes, I want to bang her lots.

I don't care if she's kind of dumb
I don't care if she has big thumbs.

I don't care if she can't act
I just want to get her on her back.

I'm not concerned with Brian Austin Green
I saw him get killed by a Terminator machine.

Wait, I forgot, that was not real life
In reality she is his wife.

I've got nothing against that fellow
I liked him on Smallville when he played Metallo.

So I'll leave her alone 'til she divorces him
And then I'm gonna slip right in.

p.s. I really don't think her acting is all that bad.  Seriously.

A Tough Poem About Me And Mr. T

If I could have a celebrity best friend,  it would be Mr. T

We'd wear matching gold chains and mohawks, for all the world to see!

We'd help the kids, respect the women and challenge all the rude.

If words didn't work, then we'd fight, and Mr. T would THROW them dudes!

Mr. T is the champion of the world, and friend to all who are cool.

If you don't like Mr. T then I pity you, fool!

p.s. Drink milk!

An ACTION PACKED Poem About The Time I Dreamt I Was Robocop

One time I dreamt I was Robocop
And I got shot at quite a lot.

My gun spoke twice and it shouted lead
Crooks in my way were bathed in red.

It didn't hurt when I took a fall
I could crush some skulls and smash through walls.

It kind of sucked, being cold and alone
Cyborgs ain't got a robo-bone.

But I kept folks safe when I hit the street
So overall it was pretty sweet.

P.S.  Your move, creep.

A Cosmic Poem About Ms. Princess Leia.

Princess Leia, Princess Leia
So many things I want to say-a

We could have a lot of fun
I like your hair when it's in a bun

I'd love to kiss your pretty face
Then rock you into hyperspace

You are the space girl of my dream
If your hot mom was alive, two words: tag team!

You've inspired all this awesome rhymin'
And I forgive you for marrying Paul Simon

P.S.  Wear the slave girl outfit.

A classic poem that I wrote about a hot chick I went to college with.

I wrote this poem about this gal who was in some of my production classes at MTSU.  She was super awesome.  She was smart, funny, and very classy.  She was as classy as Veronica Corningstone in Anchorman.  I have the utmost respect for her and I wish I could remember her last name so I could track her down.  If I ever get to host a late night talk show, I totally want her to be my sidekick, as I have never met anyone better at improv than she was.  So here it is:


"Ode To Becky"

She was tall and pretty

With a beautiful smile

Legs that went on for miles!

I miss you, Becky.

Single tear.

p.s. She also had big hooters.

A Kick Ass Poem About Ms. Alison Brie

I found out her last name is actually pronounce Bree, so this poem is now obsolete.  But I will keep it up here for historical purposes.


Alison Brie

I cannot tell a lie

You're so pretty I could cry

If I kissed you I would die


You are a perect 10

Not too big and not too thin

Your eyes are blue like the ocean and I want to take a swim.

The end.

P.S.  Let's go get some BBQ and get busy.