A Great Poem About A Great Actor: Mr. Bill Murray.

I don't have much time, I'm in a hurray.
So here's a few words about Mr. Bill Murray.

I first saw SNL when I was only 2.
He was making people laugh, and that's what I wanted to do.

The next time I saw him was in Caddyshack.
My little stomach got upset from the laughter attack.

Stripes is also great, one of his signature roles.
I also like that movie 'cause I want to bang P.J. Soles.

When Ghostbusters hit, then he totally ruled.
I performed the theme song in a talent show at school.

I'm just being honest, I'm not being rude.
But I really didn't get too much out of Scrooged.

I didn't see him much after that, with one exception.
That was Ghostbusters II, which was pretty good, upon reflection.

It changed my life when I finally saw Rushmore.
I saw and ACTOR, not a comedian, with new worlds to explore.

Then I sat down and watched Groundhog Day.
His existential conundrum really blew me away.

He should have got an Oscar when he played Steve Zissou.
If you don't like Life Aquatic, then hey, dude, fuck you!

He has a style of comedy that I can understand.
And I always love it when he appears on David Letterman.

Now I must split, and if you wonder what I'm thinkin'.

Ghostbusters is on AMC, and I never miss Peter Venkman!!!

A Poem Simply Entitled...BETRAYAL.

To show no regard for the feelings of another.
To spit in the face of a man you called "brother."
This is an act of Betrayal.

To think only of yourself and what you need.
To not care if your actions make another man bleed.
This is an act of Inhumanity.

To avoid someone and not look them in the eye.

To offer no apology and to not even try.

This is an act of Cowardice.

To spew empty words and offer false sincerity.
To pose and pretend with no sense of clarity.
These are the actions of a Liar.


People like this can't connect and relate.
It strikes me as sad, so I can't really hate.
'Cause that's just part of who I am.

People like this will just end up alone.
No family, no friends, and no place to call home.
A complete lack of empathy that I can't understand.

I would even forgive him, if he apologized.
Life is too short to let disharmony thrive.
I'd look him in the eye and offer my hand.

It's easy to be mean and act petty and small.
It takes courage to be kind, and I have to stand tall.
And those are the actions of a Man.

A Poem That Celebrates The Badassness Of My Missile Firing Boba Fett Figure

See him flyin' through the sky.
Know now that you're gonna die.
No time left to wonder why.
No time left to beg and cry.

See him there flyin' higher.
Never slows, never tires.
Agent of the Galactic Empire.
Last thing you see 'fore you expire.

See him now flyin' faster.

Dealin' death with his blaster.

Bounty huntin' & killin' master.
All your dreams end in disaster.

He's Missile Firin' Boba Fett!
So bad ass you can't forget!
Cross his path, you will regret!

MISSLE FIRIN' BOBA FETT!!!!!!

A Brutally Honest Poem That Reveals A Sad Truth

This poem was written under the influence of  Billy Joel's Glass Houses...

I almost married a girl who looked like Kim Basinger.
Over ten years later, my pain still lingers.

I'm like any other dude, I want a hot chick.
But I don't want a crazy girl who'll make my heart sick.

And that's what she did, she just messed with my head.
She hurt me 'til the point that I wished I was dead.

But the worst part was, she broke me forever.
Will I ever be right again? Probably never.

It can ruin your life, having a girl that's hot.
It sets a high standard, and you can't be with one who's not.

I know that's a shallow statement, but for me it's true.
I can't score another one, so I don't know what to do.

I saw her just recently, and she still looked good.
If I said I wanted her back, I think that she would.

Many would say, “You're crazy, what would you do that for?”
The answer is real simple: “I don't want to be alone anymore.”

I can't take it no more, and I know this sounds real sad.
But nobody else will have me, so what choice do I have?

A Doggone Poem About My Dog, Cooter Junior

I had a dog named Cooter,
but he passed away.

I wasn't sad for long,
because his son appeared one day.

Junior might not be his son,
he might be Cooter reincarnated.

Either way this little dog
needs to be decaffeinated.

He's wild & crazy, running around,
begging for attention.

He'll leave home and not come back,
so I keep him in detention.

He likes to sleep on rocks,
and he's always acting loopy.

Sometimes he'll sleep on top of his house,
that's right, just like Snoopy.

He likes to tear stuff up,
he's always up to no good.

He'll sit and stare for hours
at the mystery in my woods.

He's always acting rude & crude,
and he has no class.

I love the little monky,
even though he's a pain in the ass.

Just in case you're wondering,
I'll go ahead and answer.

Both dogs were named for the mechanic
that helped the Dukes Of Hazzard.

A Poem That Spans Time And Space (and ends with me marrying one of the hottest chicks ever!)

There are many things I would do,
if I could travel time and space.

Like stop that piece of trash
from cutting Tina Fey's young face.

I'd hunt down Townes Van Zandt
and say lay off the drugs and drink.

Then go tell George Lucas to
reconsider Jar-Jar Binks.

I'd get on Buddy Holly's bus
and try to fix that heater.

And then suggest to Pee Wee Herman
to stay out of that theater.

I'd warn Roky Erickson to
never plead insanity.

And do my best to get Sam Raimi
to cancel Spider-Man 3.

I'd deliver a cancer warning
to guitar god Mick Ronson.

Then convince The Academy to
give an Oscar to Charles Bronson.

Of course I'd do my damnedest to
prevent the 9/11 attack.

Then head back to the 1950s
to marry Kim Novak.

That last part isn't selfish,
it's deserved, you see.

I should be rewarded for

performing those good deeds.

Heaven Beckons The MACHO MAN!!!

He was a giant among men,
a Lord Of The Ring.

When it came to wrestling,
he was one of the Kings.

Most dudes would cut promos
that were totally “BLEHHH!”

But he demanded attention
when he said “OOH YEAHH!”

To list his achievements
would take many hours.

Like when he teamed with Hulk Hogan
to form the Mega Powers.

A master of his craft,
he'd earned the right to gloat.

He had the best match EVER
when he fought Ricky Steamboat.

There's not much I'm sure of,
but one thing I do know.

You would NOT want to receive
his flying elbow.

His impact on history
will always be felt.

There was NO greater champion
of the Intercontinental Belt.

If the holy men are right,
and there is a Great Plan.

Then it was HEAVEN
that beckoned the Macho Man!