A Poem That Spans Time And Space (and ends with me marrying one of the hottest chicks ever!)

There are many things I would do,
if I could travel time and space.

Like stop that piece of trash
from cutting Tina Fey's young face.

I'd hunt down Townes Van Zandt
and say lay off the drugs and drink.

Then go tell George Lucas to
reconsider Jar-Jar Binks.

I'd get on Buddy Holly's bus
and try to fix that heater.

And then suggest to Pee Wee Herman
to stay out of that theater.

I'd warn Roky Erickson to
never plead insanity.

And do my best to get Sam Raimi
to cancel Spider-Man 3.

I'd deliver a cancer warning
to guitar god Mick Ronson.

Then convince The Academy to
give an Oscar to Charles Bronson.

Of course I'd do my damnedest to
prevent the 9/11 attack.

Then head back to the 1950s
to marry Kim Novak.

That last part isn't selfish,
it's deserved, you see.

I should be rewarded for

performing those good deeds.