50 Short Poems About 50 Hot-Ass Babes!

WARNING!  These poems are for DUDES ONLY!  They should NOT be read by any Ladies.  If you are a Lady, and you want to read them, then you should only do so if you have a good sense of humor.  I'm serious, these poems are R-Rated.  Don't let your kids read them, either, even if your kids are little dudes!

Sienna Miller
I want to fill her

Amber Heard
likes it freaky I've heard

Erica Durance
I wanna get in her pants

Sarah Michelle Gellar
I want to gel her

Rashida Jones
come jump on my bones

Mandy Moore
lets get on the floor

Kate Beckinsale
I want to wreck that tail

Liv Tyler
there's nothin' finer

Mary Elizabeth Winstead
I want to get in bed

Ellen Page
gives me boner rage

Maggie Gyllenhaal
I want to drill and ball

Emma Stone
please come to my home

Selma Blair
I wanna get in there

Marina Sirtis
I'd like to service

Karen Gillan
I'll give ya a drillin'

Mila Kunis
I wanna lick that poonis

Scarlett Johannsson
let's do some horizontal dancin'

Jenna Malone
yes I wanna bone

Tina Fey
you know I wanna lay

Natalie Portman
yep, I wanna pork, man

Kristen Kreuk
yep, I wanna fuck

Hilary Swank
I have something you can yank

Annabeth Gish
I'll eat you on a dish

Kelly Preston
I want to caress them

Kirsten Dunst
we'll do it more than once

Maria Bello
I want to be your fellow

Julie Benz
we'll do it again and againz

Kelly Ripa
I want to get a grip-a

Hilary Duff
you can ride me rough

Natalie Zea
in her I want to be-a

That Red-Headed Lady from the B-52s
I'll time travel to the 80s so we can screw

Winona Ryder
I want to ride her

Kristen Wiig
makes my wiener do a jig

Halle Berry
I would bang but not marry

Jennifer Connelly
come get on top of me

Alyssa Milano
I wanna get to know

Abbie Cornish
is makin' me hornish

Freema Agyeman
let's sign a sex agreement

Lauren Graham
I wanna be your man

Katy Mixon
is one hot vixen

Summer Glau
makes my wiener go ka-pow!

Megan Fox
I wanna bang her lots

Christina Applegate
= time to masturbate

Amy Poehler
I want to pole her

Lynda Carter
is makin' me harder

Jenna Fischer
I want to get in her

Sigourney Weaver
something…something…beaver

Jessica Biel
I wanna give 'em a feel

Elizabeth Banks
has inspired many wanks

Alison Brie
please marry me

A Two-Fisted, Time-Travelin', Ass-Beatin' Poem In Which I Avenge Ms. Bettie Page.

Bettie Page had a shitty life and ran into a lot of bastards.  But it's nothing I couldn't fix with my hands...and a time travel machine.


If I could time travel,
I'd go help Bettie Page.

Her life was sad and tragic,
and that fills me with rage.

Her father was a monster,
a piece of redneck trash.

For putting his filthy hands on her,
I plan to beat his ass.

And the men who attacked her in New York
and left her violated.

Will be introduced to my Rambo Knife,
which will leave them mutilated.

And all the others who did her wrong
and frayed her sanity.

Had best review their choices,
or else answer to me.

Bettie wasn't just pretty,
she was sweet and kind and smart.

And I curse this cold and hurtful world
for breaking her poor heart.

The things she suffered and pain she felt
to me are a great crime.

And I would undo all that hurt,
If I could travel time.

This Poem Has No Title.

I just don't know what's wrong with me, or why I always fail.
If they imprisoned men for losing, then I would be in jail.

There was a time when I was a winner, and people thought I ruled.
Like that time in 3rd Grade when I sang Ghostbusters in school.

I reached my peak a long time ago, when I was too young.
I thought I had more songs to sing, but I guess they've all been sung.

I almost won recently, but then I went and blew it.
I was on top again for about a month, but it was over before I knew it.

I thought that I was doing well, that I could make it work.
But my Angels lost and my Demons won, now all I have is hurt.

I have things to keep me distracted, like some kick ass Star Wars stuff.
But they can't plug that hole in my soul, so it's just not enough.

I sometimes feel trapped and lost in my worlds of fantasy.
Because I want something more, and I yearn to be free.

But reality offers no rewards, only truth and pain.
It might be better to stay lost, if it means keeping sane.

I used to shine so brightly, when I was known for laughter and song.
But the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

How fragile is that flame that burns to light each passing day?
I feel mine flickering in the night, and I fear it will go away.

A Manly Poem About A Manly Man - Ron F**king Swanson!!!

Here is a man we must respect, the great Ron Swanson.
The manliest man to walk this Earth since the late Charles Bronson.

He'll fight government bureaucracy, and kick it's lame ass.

With his ice cold eyes and bad ass mustache.

If the State tries to make changes, he will always resist them.
While searching for new forms of Meat Delivery Systems.

Men should follow his diet of steak, pancakes and bacon.
And reclaim the manly power that many have forsaken.

If someone needs an ass whooping, he's ready to deliver.
But he also has a softer side, when he plays sax as Duke Silver.

If you follow his teachings, it will improve your life.

But don't you ever cross him, or he will have your wife.

A Great Poem About A Great Actor: Mr. Bill Murray.

I don't have much time, I'm in a hurray.
So here's a few words about Mr. Bill Murray.

I first saw SNL when I was only 2.
He was making people laugh, and that's what I wanted to do.

The next time I saw him was in Caddyshack.
My little stomach got upset from the laughter attack.

Stripes is also great, one of his signature roles.
I also like that movie 'cause I want to bang P.J. Soles.

When Ghostbusters hit, then he totally ruled.
I performed the theme song in a talent show at school.

I'm just being honest, I'm not being rude.
But I really didn't get too much out of Scrooged.

I didn't see him much after that, with one exception.
That was Ghostbusters II, which was pretty good, upon reflection.

It changed my life when I finally saw Rushmore.
I saw and ACTOR, not a comedian, with new worlds to explore.

Then I sat down and watched Groundhog Day.
His existential conundrum really blew me away.

He should have got an Oscar when he played Steve Zissou.
If you don't like Life Aquatic, then hey, dude, fuck you!

He has a style of comedy that I can understand.
And I always love it when he appears on David Letterman.

Now I must split, and if you wonder what I'm thinkin'.

Ghostbusters is on AMC, and I never miss Peter Venkman!!!

A Poem Simply Entitled...BETRAYAL.

To show no regard for the feelings of another.
To spit in the face of a man you called "brother."
This is an act of Betrayal.

To think only of yourself and what you need.
To not care if your actions make another man bleed.
This is an act of Inhumanity.

To avoid someone and not look them in the eye.

To offer no apology and to not even try.

This is an act of Cowardice.

To spew empty words and offer false sincerity.
To pose and pretend with no sense of clarity.
These are the actions of a Liar.


People like this can't connect and relate.
It strikes me as sad, so I can't really hate.
'Cause that's just part of who I am.

People like this will just end up alone.
No family, no friends, and no place to call home.
A complete lack of empathy that I can't understand.

I would even forgive him, if he apologized.
Life is too short to let disharmony thrive.
I'd look him in the eye and offer my hand.

It's easy to be mean and act petty and small.
It takes courage to be kind, and I have to stand tall.
And those are the actions of a Man.

A Poem That Celebrates The Badassness Of My Missile Firing Boba Fett Figure

See him flyin' through the sky.
Know now that you're gonna die.
No time left to wonder why.
No time left to beg and cry.

See him there flyin' higher.
Never slows, never tires.
Agent of the Galactic Empire.
Last thing you see 'fore you expire.

See him now flyin' faster.

Dealin' death with his blaster.

Bounty huntin' & killin' master.
All your dreams end in disaster.

He's Missile Firin' Boba Fett!
So bad ass you can't forget!
Cross his path, you will regret!

MISSLE FIRIN' BOBA FETT!!!!!!