A Two-Fisted, Time-Travelin', Ass-Beatin' Poem In Which I Avenge Ms. Bettie Page.

Bettie Page had a shitty life and ran into a lot of bastards.  But it's nothing I couldn't fix with my hands...and a time travel machine.


If I could time travel,
I'd go help Bettie Page.

Her life was sad and tragic,
and that fills me with rage.

Her father was a monster,
a piece of redneck trash.

For putting his filthy hands on her,
I plan to beat his ass.

And the men who attacked her in New York
and left her violated.

Will be introduced to my Rambo Knife,
which will leave them mutilated.

And all the others who did her wrong
and frayed her sanity.

Had best review their choices,
or else answer to me.

Bettie wasn't just pretty,
she was sweet and kind and smart.

And I curse this cold and hurtful world
for breaking her poor heart.

The things she suffered and pain she felt
to me are a great crime.

And I would undo all that hurt,
If I could travel time.