A Romantic Poem About The First Terminator Film

The Terminator is a romantic film,
from a certain point of view.

If you do not understand,
then I will explain it to you.

The Terminator loved to kill,
that is, if robots have emotion.

But this is not the time or place
to explore that notion.

I speak instead of Kyle Reese,
that brave future soldier.

And how he traveled time and space,
just so he could hold her.

Kyle's world was dark, a living hell,
ruled by the Machines

Who sought to smash the human race
that they declared obscene.

Man's only hope was John Connor,
leader of the free.

But the Machines plotted to alter time,
so he would never be.

They planned to kill his mother, Sarah,
back in 1984.

If John wasn't born, the humans would loose
and the Machines could win the war.

So Kyle went back, to protect and fight,
with grim determination.

And save the woman that he loved
from the doom of termination.

And save her he did, he won the war,
even though he lost the fight.

But before he died, he expressed his love,
and proved it through the night.

One night was all they had together,
but it wasn't completely tragic.

Because the love they shared would save the world,
don't tell me that ain't romantic!

A Poem About Things I Would Discuss With Ms. Alison Brie If We Went On A Date

Alison is it you I love, or is it your character, Annie?

And what captivates me more, your awesome boobs or rockin' fanny?

If you saw me in a crowd, would I catch your eye?
I'd be afraid to approach you, but I'd still give it a try.

If we had a conversation, would my charms draw you closer?
Would you be impressed by my REVENGE OF THE JEDI poster?

Would you agree, if I asked you nicely, to join me for dinner?
If you did I'd be a lucky man, and finally feel like a winner.

After that, if the sky is clear, we could take a moonlit walk.
We'll stroll along beneath the stars and have an intimate talk.

I'm a real good listener, you can tell me anything.
And if things were going well, would you let me hear you sing?

Then we'll stop and gaze upon the mystery of the Moon.
And maybe discuss our future plans, or am I speaking too soon?

Life is short, so I'll be bold, and lay it on the line.
For who knows when those stars will fall and we'll be out of time?

I would never lie to you, and I would never be mean.
And I'll do all the housework, I like to cook and clean.

If you have a flat tire, I'll be there to change it.
And if you don't like the living room, then I will rearrange it.

If you need attention I will shower you with kisses.
And after we eat the meal I've cooked, I'll wash all the dishes.

I'll be there to dry your eyes if you get in a tiff.
If someone hurts you, I'll whip some ass, like when George punched out Biff.

I would never fail you, and I'll pass every test.
And I'll get up to feed the baby, because you need your beauty rest.

It wouldn't be a mistake, if you decided to date me.
And in time, if I do things right, maybe you'll appreciate me.

That's really all I want, I'm just looking for a chance.
I've got some pretty good moves, but I never get asked to dance.

I'm not just writing clever rhymes, I mean what I say.
I'm good man, and I'm worth a shot, and I'll prove it every day.

I'm Writing You A Night Poem To Tell You How I Feel...

(A Poem Inspired By DRIVE)

I want to be a stone-cold dude,
that's right, just like The Driver.

I wouldn't flinch, I wouldn't hurt,
and I'd never be a cryer.

The Driver was a good guy,
even though he worked for crooks.

But he wouldn't hesitate to stab their asses,
just ask Albert Brooks.

I'd drive real fast and drive real good,
for the highest paying racket.

And I'd keep myself alone and armored
in a bad ass Scorpion Jacket.

Sometime's I'd have someone to love
and allow myself to feel.

But I wouldn't let it last too long,
because I know that love ain't real.

I'll never be stopped and never be killed,
I always will survive.

Because you can't kill a man
who's not really alive.

After it's over, I'll start my car
and zip my armor up tight.

Then DRIVE into the mystery,
a shadow in the night.

A Poetic Defense Of Mr. Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage is in a class by himself.
He's the only mega-actor, there is no one else!

Mega-acting calls for something much more.
Cage doesn't knock, he SMASHES through doors.

He doesn't just chew, he DEVOURS scenery.
A calculated move on his part, I believe.

His bizarre performances are so bad they're good.
But people don't dig him, so he's misunderstood.

Right now he's been down, and he's had some bad luck.
But one day he'll prevail, and tell the haters to shut up.

Some fans have forsaken him, but I'm never gonna.
Now I'm gonna go watch Raising Arizona.

Beat The Flush!

Sometimes when I'm in a rush,
I like to play beat the flush.

I hit the handle before I go,
and see if I outrace the flow.

Sometimes I lose, sometimes I win.

But a few hours later, I'll try again!

Dear George Lucas...

Dear George Lucas,

I'm writing you this poem.

To ask you very nicely to

leave Star Wars alone.

Don't you understand we fans

just want to love you?

But when you rape our childhoods

all we want to do is shove you.

When you change these films

you're committing cinematic murder.

Every time they come back out

we pray you haven't altered them further.

You think you're making them better,

but you're just making them worse.

Vader shouldn't scream NOOO!

and Han should always shoot first!

I know you own these films

and you can do just as you please.

Like re-release them endlessly

to feed your Empire's greed.

But you could make a ton of money

if you restored the original versions.

And silence the cries and screams of all

the geeks and nerds and virgins.

I'll ask you one more time,

before I have to go.

Don't make a Special Ed. Vader

who likes to scream out NO!

Dark Rhymes For Dark Times

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

 

How many times must I hear it said

before I accept the truth?

That I am just not good enough

and there's nothing I can do.

I first heard it back in high school

and it devastated me then.

Because deep down, somehow I knew,

that I'd hear it again and again.

I've heard it said so many times

that by now I have lost count

I wish I could change and make myself matter,

but I just don't know how.

I really don't want to change,

I'm happy with how I am.

But how I am ain't workin'

so I need a change of plan.

I've tried to change my looks

and change my way of thinking.

I try to keep my head above water,

but still I feel I'm sinking.

You can say I'm being foolish,

that I've just got the blues.

But you'd be sayin' different

if you walked a mile in my shoes.

Cause it's like an itch you just can't scratch,

and a feelin' you just can't shake.

And it's getting' to the point

where it's more than I can take.

But I've no desire to end it all,

I doubt even Death would have me.

So I'll just keep on livin' and

hopin' that someone will understand me.

IT'S NOT HARD

 

It's hard to be unwanted

and it's hard to be unloved.

It's hard to get back up

when all you get from life is shoved.

It's hard to lose your heart

to someone who doesn't give a shit.

It's hard to try and love again

and not give in and quit.

It's hard to see your childhood friends,

grown-up and happily married.

It's hard not to feel you've failed

and that your life is buried.

It's hard not to sit and sulk

and wallow in you hate.

It's hard not to curse the “gods”

who consigned you to this fate.

It's hard not to be cut and wounded

when others ignore your words.

It's hard not to feel

that life is a toilet filled with turds.

But it's not hard for me

to see through the pain and darkness.

I have dreams and drive and power,

that I've yet to harness.

It's not hard for me

to clear my head and realize.

That it's better to say I've failed

than to have never even tried.

It's not hard for me

to reconcile my hurt and cope.

Cause I'm still alive and kickin'

and where there's life, there's hope.